


Reylo One Shots

by KCMarsala



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, jedi academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-09 22:56:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13491543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KCMarsala/pseuds/KCMarsala
Summary: This will be my repository of independent scenes between Rey and Ben/Kylo.  Some of these may be quite explicit (the first one certainly is!) and some may not.  An explanation of the context for each scene will be provided in the author's notes at the beginning of each chapter.Enjoy!***UPDATE: I have decided to post each one-shot individually. The three that have already been published here will remain here, but all future one shots will not be available here. Thanks!***





	1. The Right Thing

**Author's Note:**

> In this Alternate Universe, Rey was brought as a young child to Luke Skywalker's Jedi academy, where she met Ben Solo. It was clear almost immediately upon her arrival that the two of them have a Force bond. When she was little, it wasn't a problem. But as she grew up... Well...
> 
> ***EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT WARNING***
> 
> (Note: In this One Shot, Snoke is NOT in Ben's head and was never an issue. This is an exploration of what might have been had he not been there to screw up Ben's head and turn him into Kylo Ren.)

 

Rey stood aside, watching the scene with a small smile on her face.She knew he didn’t like her being here, observing him, but she also knew he didn’t like much where she was concerned anymore, so she didn’t much care what he liked or didn’t.She liked watching him, so she did.

He was so incredibly gentle and caring with the littlest students.As the student with the strongest connection to the Force in the academy, it only made sense that Master Luke had appointed him to help with the newest batch of potentials.And he had truly risen to the challenge, offering the four- and five-year olds a measure of patience and understanding she’d never known he possessed.If she hadn’t been completely smitten by him before, she certainly was now.

Rey twisted her lip in annoyance at the exasperated sigh that sounded near to her shoulder.Without bothering to spare a glance, she huffed at the intrusion and shoved at Cera.

“I don’t know why you bother,” she complained.“You know he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you.”

Rey’s expression darkened.She’d been sworn to secrecy regarding the Force bond she shared with Ben so long ago, she could hardly remember why it should be such a secret any more.Not that it really mattered much these days anyway.In the last two years, he had shut her out so completely that Cera might as well have been right.But she never found it in her heart to abandon him as he had her.In fact, the longer she existed apart from him, the more tormented she felt.These illicit observations of him teaching were nearly all she had left of him.Though she couldn’t possibly make Cera understand why, she couldn’t give that up.

“Go away, Buzzkill,” she muttered at her friend.

Cera sighed heavily.“Let me know when you’re done pining.”

Rey suppressed a sigh of relief once Cera finally went away and she could observe him in peace.Unable to completely hold back her giggle, she smiled as she watched his long, lanky form twist into the traditional meditation posture for the little ones to mimic.Their stunted limbs couldn’t quite make the ideal angles and connections, but his moved with an ease and fluidity that she admired.Not for the first time, she couldn’t help but imagine those same limbs in an entirely different context…

Out of long habit, Rey checked the shielding she kept locked around her thoughts at all times, knowing that any slip would render these so very private images quite public within this community of Force-sensitives.Finding them in tact, she nevertheless fortified them an extra measure as she blatantly indulged in imagining his pale legs entwining with her tan ones.And, on a sudden whim, she pushed briefly and ever so hesitantly at the door he kept closed and locked between their minds at all times.

Perhaps it was because it had been so long since she’d bothered knocking at that door, or perhaps because he had already slipped into a surface-level meditation intended to open himself up to messages through the Force.Regardless, to her overwhelming surprise, he suddenly allowed the door to crack open.

Letting loose a tiny yelp of surprise as a wholly graphic image of more than just entwined legs shoved its way through that tiny crack in the door, Rey rapidly stifled the instinct toward embarrassment and instead watched in utter fascination as Ben suddenly untangled from his meditation pose.Twisting abruptly, his eyes darting out into the area surrounding the open courtyard in which he worked with the little ones, his eyes fall upon her and Rey felt their impact in her core.Unable to prevent the bright crimson flush that stained her cheeks, she nevertheless met his gaze, openly confirming that, yes, she was watching him and, yes, she was imagining him in an most intimate exchange…with her.

He initially met her defiant gaze with shock but, after a moment, she saw anger overtake him.And Rey quickly decided she’d had enough.As much as she hated it, she could face his indifference.But she couldn’t handle his outright rejection.

Walking swiftly away from the courtyard, Rey sniffed repeatedly, only managing to hold back her tears through a concerted effort.She missed him.It had been so long since he’d allowed her to share her consciousness with him, and she desperately longed for the familiar intimacy of his presence in her mind.Her more recent realizations regarding the physical appeal he had for her only made her longing all the more intense.She wasn’t ignorant of what was happening to her body and mind, that her sexuality was awakening.And, given the long and close history she had with Ben, it only made sense that she should start to think of him in such ways.But the fury with which he regarded her once the bent of her thoughts had been made known to him hurt her as nothing else in her life ever had.

“Rey!”

She heard him—How could she not?—but she set her head down against the onrushing wind and sped up her stride.Unfortunately, his legs were just a lot longer than hers.

“Rey!Stop!”

His command was utterly superfluous since he simultaneously seized her arm and pulled her about, but she immediately beat at his hand until he released her.

“You don’t need to say it, Ben.I get it.”

“You can’t think of me that way,” he said anyway, which only ignited her ire.

“I can, too,” she shouted petulantly, “if I want to.And if you didn’t want to know about it, you should have just kept me shut out, shouldn’t you?”

He bowed his head at her words, his gesture providing all the confirmation she required.

“I get that you don’t want to have anything to do with me,” she continued, completely unaware of the tears marring her cheeks now.“You’ve made that abundantly clear.But if that’s the case, then you don’t get to have any say what goes on in _my_ head.”

She backed away from him and he reached for her impetuously, but she shoved at his hands.Turning on her heel, she ran from him fast before he could witness her sobbing heartache.

She avoided him after that, falling into a sullen mood that she just couldn’t shake.She didn’t observe him teaching anymore, actively avoiding the areas where she thought he might most likely appear at any given time throughout the day.Her studies began to suffer since she clearly lacked any interest in making an effort, and Master Luke couldn’t help but notice.She could feel him gazing upon her in curiosity, wondering not so clandestinely what had her so visibly upset, but she wasn’t inclined to confide in him.After all, she was pretty certain it was on his recommendation that Ben had shut her out two years ago and continued to do so now.

The Jedi Master had never been truly comfortable with the Force bond they shared and had consistently urged both of them to caution throughout the years since her arrival.Upon further reflection, she felt increasingly bitter that it had only taken one of them to choose to heed his words, thereby efficiently slaughtering the other’s choice in the matter.Because, of course, given her druthers, she’d be joined with him right now in more ways that one.

She knew part of the problem was simply biological.She was eighteen, nearly nineteen, and feeling urges that she wasn’t necessarily interested in stifling.The true object of her fevered imagination clearly out of reach, Rey found herself searching a few days later for other options.As a pretty girl with a certain amount of skill and notoriety within the academy, her prospects were not few.She knew all she need do was pick one…Well, except the one she actually wanted.

Having decided to confront the issue head-on, Rey found it a relatively simple matter.She chose the most physically attractive boy available, partly because he had quite a reputation among the girls, but also because he looked nothing like Ben.Of only average height with short, sandy hair and bronzed skin, she knew most of the young ladies at the academy all but swooned over Eric.Except, of course, Rey.And, she thought later, perhaps that was why he was especially keen on her attention once she offered it.The only trick was finding a moment when she could approach him in private.

By the time she managed it, she was so frustrated by the whole situation that she simply approached him and laid into him with a passionate kiss.Opening her mind to him to demonstrate her intentions, she paid attention to his reaction which, once he was able to move beyond his initial shock, was quite enthusiastic.She pressed herself against him, feeling the hardening in his groin that she knew heralded the sexual initiation she sought.Alert to his impressions in order to know what she should do, this, after all, being an entirely new experience for her, she was there in his mind when the sudden image of a snarling, drooling rancor took her place in his fevered embrace.Startled, she pulled back from him in time to see his expression of horror as he backed swiftly away from her.Following a sneaking suspicion, Rey pushed against the closed door in her mind, the one to Ben, and found it shut tight.Yet feeling suspicious but having no way to confirm it, she cursed tightly and commenced a new search.

The second time it happened, a gaggle of loud, chirping Porgs surrounded the kissing couple, driving Rey insane with their noise, but utterly terrifying the boy who had required a substantial amount of convincing to even get this far.And the third time, it was none other than Darth Vader himself who came stalking the horny young man with his gleaming red lightsaber and chasing him off into the woods screaming.And, with that, Rey had had enough.

For the first time in months, she actively sought Ben out.It already being quite late on the evening prior to another full day of lessons, most of the students were to be found in their dormitories.Since Ben was really more of an instructor now than a student, he was assigned a tiny cottage set apart from the main dorms, complete with a sheltered garden designed for exercises in fine Force manipulations.Sensing his presence as she approached and surrendering to the fury within her, she shoved mercilessly at the door rather than even knocking.

Ben leaped up in surprise, clearly not having expected such swift retaliation for his interference.He had been lounging upon his bed, and Rey was only all the more angered by the fact that he now stood before her with half naked.Unable to help but notice the broad, chiseled expanse of his chest, her face heated to scarlet but she was otherwise able to ignore what under normal circumstances would have had her gaping and drooling just like the rancor he’d imagined her to be.But she was so consumed by her rage that she actually poked him firmly in his bare chest as she laid into him.

“How dare you?” she seethed.“By _your_ choice, what I do is none of your business!You have no right to interfere in _my_ affairs.”

“What are you talking about?”

She narrowed her eyes menacingly at his impertinence in feigning ignorance.

“Come off it, Ben!You don’t want to be the object of my lust, fine.But that doesn’t mean you get to dictate who is.”

She saw the mask of anger come own like a shield over his face, and she shook her head firmly at him.

“No,” she demanded, poking at him again.“You don’t get to be angry over this.That’s _my_ right.If you don’t like my choices, then you’re welcome to come and provide me a better option yourself.But until you’re willing to do that, you stay the hell away from me!”

Rey spun away from him and marched off, stifling the unfortunate emotion of regret when he didn’t immediately reach out to stop her leaving.Willing her emotional weakness to fuel her indignant rage, she stomped even more like an irate child as the tears built in her eyes.Then, suddenly, she felt her body seized in a Force grab and she was dragged inexorably back to him, thrust with full impact into his embrace.Staring wide-eyed up at him in shock and even alarm, she saw that familiar wrath clouding his eyes.

“I _do_ want to be the object of your lust, Rey,” he groaned out at her in no uncertain terms.“And I can’t stand the idea of anyone else touching you.I’ve tried hard to repress my impulses and leave you alone, but you’re so damn _stubborn_.Can’t you see I’m trying to do the right thing?”

For an untold span of time, Rey could only stare up into his face, rough and erratic breaths heaving her chest against his as she slowly recognized the passion hidden behind a veneer of anger.Stunned into temporary silence, she soon rediscovered her voice…and her indignation.

“The right thing?” she parroted in a cracked voice.“You abandoned me!Ten years of you in my head and me in yours and then you shove me out?And that’s _the right thing_?Did you never think about what that _did_ to me, the contortions I’ve gone through to understand _why_ you don’t want to have anything to do with me?I’ve always known you were for me, Ben, since the moment I first laid eyes on you.But just as I’m beginning to understand what that really _means_ , you just…disappear!Damn you!” she wailed, her tears flowing in a full-on flood by this time.“Damn you and your _right thing_!”

Rey gasped on a visceral sob at the moment that Ben’s mouth claimed hers.Swept up instantly in the intimacy of his kiss, she clung to his broad shoulders as his arms encased her slim form, dragging her up against his chest as he plundered her mouth.Meeting his savage need with equal ferocity, her legs parted and wrapped tight around his hips, his strong arms supporting her full weight anyway.And when she felt the evidence of his arousal, stiff and thick between them, she moaned into his mouth and angled her hips to press him intimately right where she wanted him most.

Ben stumbled backward to his bed, falling there with Rey firmly attached.His hands roamed endlessly and possessively over her body as his mouth broke free from hers, moving to work desperately at her neck and shoulder.

“Dammit, Rey,” he mumbled between wet, insistent kisses.“It’s too soon.Can’t you see that?”

Rey sobbed as she realized his words were still telling her _no_ while every element of his body screamed _yes_.

“Shouldn’t I get a say in that?” she muttered back as she kissed and laved and gripped and pressed against him everywhere she could.

With a guttural groan, he seized her head, pressing it down onto his shoulder as he suddenly stilled.After an instant of confusion, the door he’d kept so firmly closed for so long sprang open and she was suddenly admitted into a vibrant world in which she was the key element, the central figure, the primary concern.She suddenly felt the intense longing for her that he’d first sensed in himself two years ago, and the agonized suffering it caused him as he imagined taking advantage of her before she was ready.He’d shut himself away not because he didn’t want anything to do with her, but because he wanted _so much_ from her that it frightened him.And when she’d decided to pursue her sexual awakening without him, he’d been consumed by such an intense jealousy it had been all he could do not to come storming into each of her clandestine rendezvous and claim her for himself.She sensed the emotional turmoil in which he’d spent every waking moment for the past two years and the discipline with which he hid that truth from every living soul, and she sobbed.

Rey lifted her head from Ben’s shoulder and looked into his eyes.Her fingers delicately stroked his cheek as she studied his features, then tangled in his hair, feeling the silky smoothness of his gentle curls.Her eyes searched his, noting the intense longing and uncertainty behind his gaze, and she smiled.

“I’m ready, Ben,” she whispered, but still she saw doubt in his eyes.“What do I have to do to convince you?”

He shook his head, his emotions telling her he truly didn’t know.And when he spoke, his voice was barely a pained moan.“You’re too important to me to get this wrong, Rey.”

She drew a shuddering breath, the intensity of his sentiment moving straight into her heart and taking up residency there.But she stared at him in sudden understanding.

“You’re afraid.”

His breath caught, and she knew he didn’t like her bald-faced statement.But he also couldn’t deny it.His head bowed in shame, but Rey quickly reached out, guiding his face back to her.

“Then let me be your strength,” she murmured.

Maintaining his gaze squarely, Rey pressed away from his embrace just enough to give herself space to pull her tunic over her head.She felt the hard length of his cock jerk against her most intimately through their clothing as her breasts were exposed to him.While he worked hard to keep his gaze upon her face and nowhere else, Rey noticed his breaths coming in short, heaving gasps while the pulse in the hollow of his neck beat frantically.Reaching for his hand, she brought it first to her face, where she slowly pressed her lips to the palm of his hand.His stiffened cock pressed insistently against her again as his other hand gripped into her clothing at her hip.With a satisfied smile, she brought his hand down and pressed it to her breast.His reaction was even more pronounced this time, his hips thrusting up as his fists provided counter pressure and the air caught audibly in his lungs convulsively.He groaned long and low as his fingers pressed into the flesh of her breast.But still he didn’t move.

“Have you never done this before, Ben?” she asked, suddenly wondering if that was the cause for his continued hesitation.

But she recognized her mistake as his eyes first widened then averted.Yes.He had.Probably in the not too distant past, as an attempt to stymie his desire for her. _Not that it had worked terribly well_ , his mind supplied through their bond.

“Good,” she told him in no uncertain terms.“Because I don’t have any clue what I’m doing.”

Ben stared, his forehead creasing in confusion.Rey sighed softly and smiled.

“I need you to take the lead here, Ben.”

He swallowed.“Rey, I…”

“I’m sure I can go find Eric and explain the whole incident to him…”

The jealous rage that came over Ben’s face was an intoxicating sight, and Rey couldn’t help but smile.Deliberately leaning in close to breathe directly into Ben’s ear, Rey demanded, “Then fuck me.”

The vulgar sentiment seemed to unlock what all the tender sentiment couldn’t, and Ben seized Rey in a bruising kiss.With a guttural moan he gripped her tight against him, crushing her bare breasts against his chest as he ravenously devoured her.His hips pressed with rhythmic regularity into her core as his hands roamed, eventually cupping her ass and pulling her tighter against his swollen cock.

Rey yelped in surprise when Ben suddenly shifted forward, laying her down onto his bed on her back, and proceeded to trail kisses down her neck and only her breasts.Drawing her nipple into his mouth, Rey arched against him with a visceral moan, her hands tangling in his hair.At the same time, Ben worked frantically at the drawstring of her pants, fumbling the process sufficiently to create a knot that only tightened as he pulled.

 _Just break it_ , she instructed him through their bond, lacking the wherewithal to put voice to breath in her current state of sensual bliss.

Without further hesitation, Ben ducked his head down to Rey’s waist, tearing at the thin fabric drawstring with his teeth until he was able to snap it apart.At last freed of the nuisance, he was able to pull the loose pants from around her hips and down her beautiful, shapely legs.Fully bared before him, Rey felt a fresh surge of lust pulse through Ben’s mind and she gasped with its effects, distracting her from the fact that he seized her legs and settled himself between her thighs.

When his tongue abruptly swept in to taste her most intimately, Rey cried out her surprise and pleasure in full voice.Not caring who may be around to hear, Ben quickly found the hardened num of her clit and sucked it into his mouth, savoring the taste of her as he pressed is way inside with a finger.Writhing beneath his ministrations, Rey’s hips bucked up into his mouth as he found the magic spot deep inside her.Extracting his finger, he added another, the two finding that rough spot again and flicking at it as he licked and sucked and bit at her folds.Panting with ever increasing vigor, Rey felt wave after wave of pleasure assaulting her, driving her higher and plunging her deeper, over and over, until at last a cresting wave burst forth into explosions of color and light behind her closed eyes.And, still, Ben stroked her languidly with his tongue, his fingers pressing and spreading within the newly constrictive space inside her core.As the residual convulsions eased, Ben kissed the interior of Rey’s thigh, giving her interior one last stroke as he withdrew.

Climbing up alongside her, he peered into her face with supreme satisfaction as she opened her eyes and looked at him.

“That,” he told her in wholly unnecessary terms, “was an orgasm.”

Unable to help herself, she laughed.“Yes,” she agreed wholeheartedly.“Yes, I think it was.”

“My job is to give you as many of those as you can handle.”

She chuckled again, smiling as she stroked his face languidly.

“I take my job very seriously, Rey,” he warned her.

She leaned into him and kissed him, delighting in the lingering, exotic taste of herself on his lips.

“Then do your job, Ben.”

With a wide grin, Ben reached down and began working at the laces on his trousers.Taking care not to knot them this time, he soon had them opened and pushed down his legs.Once he lay fully naked next to her, he looked into her eyes.

“Look at me, Rey.”

Following his downward gaze, she did as she was instructed, unabashedly gazing upon the rosy phallus that sprung up proudly between Ben’s muscular thighs.

“Now, touch me.”

With trembling fingers, she did, delighting in the gasp she elicited from him in the process.

“Harder,” he instructed, to which she pressed her hand flat against his searing, hardened flesh.

“Wrap your hand around me,” he rasped hoarsely, his breath coming in short huffs.

Which she did.

“I don’t want you to ever be afraid to look at me or touch me, Rey.Alright?”

She nodded, grateful for his explicit permission and immediately taking advantage of it by looking down at his purpling head emerging from her fist.She stroked her thumb over the tip and he gasped.Testing to make sure it wasn’t a fluke, she did it again, eliciting the same reaction.

“Will it fit?” she asked suddenly in trepidation.

“I’ll go slow,” he comforted her.“If anything hurts, you tell me, alright?”

She nodded.

“Are you ready?”

Another nod.

Leveraging himself over her, Rey held onto him as he maneuvered his way to her opening.Taking over then, he used the head of his cock to collect and smear her juices over her folds, preparing her for his entry.When he did, he pressed onto the head of his phallus into her, watching her carefully for any signs of distress.Aware of his scrutiny, she nodded, encouraging him to continue.When he pressed in a bit more, she exhaled languidly, gripping his arms as they supported himself above her.He moved in an out a little from there, only that far, no further, and found himself lost in the sensual pleasure of her.

“Oh, gods, Rey…Are you alright?” he asked, his voice strained.“Can you take more of me?”

“Yes, Ben,” she answered breathlessly, desperately.“ _Please_.”

Pushing his way in slowly but steadily, he reached full penetration, to which he blew out a shuddering breath.Moving carefully, he drew the full length of her with his cock, withdrawing to the tip and pressing to the hilt, grinding his pelvis into hers.She panted and wriggled beneath him, her eyes squeezed shut and her cheek pressed into the linens of the bed.

“I want more,” she breathed as her hands slid down to grip his ass, pulling him in toward her as firmly as she could.

Eager to oblige her request, Ben withdrew then pressed in again, doing this several times with incrementally increasing fervor.With each one, Rey expressed her satisfaction with his ministrations, breathing, moaning, and writing in such a way that there was little doubt over the pleasure she experienced.Then, with sudden ferocity, Ben slammed into her.Her eyes flew open meeting his as she breathed out his name.Repeating the effort, she smiled and told him in no uncertain terms how much she liked that.So he did it again.And again.Until the two of them were rocking together in a brutal rhythm of pleasure.Rey clung to him, both with her hands and, increasingly, with her core, and Ben worked her as vigorously as he could, driving her toward her climax before he would allow himself to release his own.Her voice climbing high and higher until at last she gripped him close, gasping for air as she squeaked out her orgasm.With a shout of his own, he drove into her one last time and groaned long and low as he spent himself inside her.

Exhausted, Ben rolled onto his back, bringing Rey with him.Wrapping his arm around her, he felt her curl into him, laying her head contentedly on his shoulder as she traced circles on his chest with her fingers.

“I love you, Ben.”

He froze, attempting to ascertain the criteria by which she judged such a thing to be true.

“You don’t have to say that,” he murmured.“It’s alright.”

Which, of course, insulted her.But, still feeling the overwhelming aftereffects of the first two orgasms of her life, Rey could summon little more by way of response than flicking his chin with her finger.He laughed, holding her closer.

“Ben?” she murmured some time later, to which he offered a soft, content _hmmm_?

“I love you.”

He smiled, held her close, kissed her hair, and said with his whole being, “I love you, Rey.”


	2. Internal Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot follows some time after the events of "The Last Jedi." The First Order having suffered major blows and the Resistance gaining in strength, the war seems all but over. But when Kylo Ren shows up at the Resistance Headquarters, Rey realizes she's never been privy to all the secrets.
> 
> ***EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT WARNING***
> 
> Also warning... This is LONG! lol

Rey jerked in surprise when she saw him. It had been so long, _so_ long since she’d figured out how to block him from her consciousness and she’d grown so accustomed to doing so that she had long since stopped noticing she was even doing it. In fact, she’d even begun to wonder at times if he was dead. But there he was, appearing just as solid as the last time she’d seen him over two years ago through that damn connection they shared. She remembered that last time, remembered the expression of sorrow he wore as she told him she’d figured out his secret. She had accepted that they were bound in the Force, and that gave her control over it. She’d been helpless to resist the temptation to rub his nose in it, to tell him to his Force-connected-image-of-a-face that she refused to permit the emotional link the bond seemed to engender, to point out that he would no longer be able to pop in on her mind unannounced, read her feelings, or see her image. She had learned how to control that, and she’d informed him that she would. And she did, right then, without even allowing him one last word to her.

That was the last time she’d seen his face. Of course, she’d met him on the battlefield, but he’d always been behind that ridiculous mask, for which she’d found herself grateful. She had hardened her heart against him, allowing herself to be consumed only by the need to destroy him whenever their paths had crossed. And she’d never missed the fact that he only ever defended himself, never attacked her. For more than a year, only one of them had been out for blood, though she’d never been able to draw enough of it. And then, abruptly, he’d disappeared. Battles were still fought and she was always there in the thick of it all, watching and waiting for his appearance, but it never came. It was then she’d wondered if he was dead, though she’d never cared enough to open that long sealed gateway between their minds to find out if her supposition were true. She was just as content imagining his bloodied, torn, mangled carcass on some rocky outcropping in some distant system. These were the thoughts that made her happy and, as long as he continued not showing up on the battlefield, she was just as happy to assume they were true.

It had been about that time that things started changing. The Resistance had always been the underdog, scrambling for people, weapons, ships, supplies, even hope at times just to stay alive. The First Order was simply far better funded than the Resistance and, while stormtroopers may have been notoriously bad shots, there were _a lot_ of them. And ground assault vehicles and aerial bombers didn’t need to have good aim in order to rain havoc down on the Resistance, which they had done consistently…until they didn’t. Now, just under a year later, the First Order’s forces appeared to be both smaller and less effective. Eventually, Resistance leaders got wind of the fact that the enemy had been afflicted by sabotage and manufacturing mishaps that had severely hindered their numbers and productivity. Rey recalled secretly imagining the man-child tantrums such news had likely evoked in their Supreme Leader, delighting in the angst those losses surely caused him, assuming he was still alive.

And, at the same time the First Order was losing ground, the Resistance was gaining. News of Finn’s defection had finally permeated the stormtrooper ranks and they started changing sides in droves. Rey had greeted every turned First Order trooper with a broad smile that only she knew was actually a gloat secretly aimed at _him_ , then promptly sent them on their way to target training. The inexplicable explosions at weapons and ship assembly facilities eventually convinced manufacturers that working with the First Order was simply bad for business, and the Resistance found themselves flush with deals for all kinds of equipment and ships at prices they had never before imagined. And, slowly but surely, the tables had turned. No longer was the First Order the dominant force in the galactic war, and no longer was the Resistance little more than a nuisance. In the past several weeks, it had become more and more clear that the war was nearing its conclusion, and that the Resistance would see the end of the First Order.

So why of all damnable times, would Supreme Leader Kylo Ren choose now to break through her mental barrier and appear to her through this stupid, blasted, ridiculous Force bond she’d never found the ability to truly sever?

Even though he’d met her gaze across the crowded mess hall, she turned resolutely away, refusing to acknowledge him. Although she tried to reinforce the barrier against him, it had no effect and she could still see him as clearly as if he were actually there, standing there incongruously in a pair of black pants and a green shirt, of all things. Gritting her teeth angrily, she stabbed at her plate, the food suddenly appearing terribly unappealing to her, only able to hope that at least enough of the barrier remained that maybe at least she wouldn’t have to hear his voice.

“What’s wrong?”

Rey looked up sheepishly, her mouth quirking in a lopsided twist as she regarded Poe. Unable to keep her eyes from flicking out toward Ren once more, she pushed air forcefully out of her lungs and forced a smile to her face that she was certain was quite grotesque.

“Nothing,” she told him, even though she knew he would know it was a complete lie.

“You were smiling and laughing just a minute again ago and then—”

Poe shook his head as he cut himself off, apparently realizing there was no point in trying to get her to open up to him when she clearly didn’t want to. He exhaled sharply and Rey had the sudden premonition that she wasn’t going to like what was about to come out of his mouth.

“Rey, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” he admitted with evident reluctance. “I should have before now, but I just didn’t know—”

“Poe…”

His eyes lifted from his half-eaten meal and met hers with apology in them as he heard her unspoken request to get to the damn point.

“It’s just…I know how well this went with Finn and—”

Before Poe’s words could even sink into her mind, Rey leapt up with a cry. Her gaze inexorably drawn back to Ren once more, she had finally noticed what her brain had refused to recognize before. He was talking to people, interacting with them, as in _they could see him_. She hadn’t been able to keep him from appearing through their bond because he wasn’t appearing through their bond.

 _He was actually. Fucking. Here_.

She stood there, her eyes wild with anger and alarm, her stance ready for battle, and her fingers itching to grab and ignite the dual bladed lightsaber at her hip. Her body vibrated with tension as she stared at him in confusion and disbelief, as he stared back at her with resignation and calm, evidently having fully expected her reaction. As well he should, the vile snake.

“Aw, _shit_.”

Rey heard Poe’s muttered curse and she turned her head slightly toward him, but she couldn’t peel her eyes from Ren, knowing he’d take the very moment of her distraction to launch the attack he was clearly here to make. There were far too many people crowding the mess hall for her to allow him to do this here. She needed to bide her time, to wait and lure him out into the open where she could ignite her lightsaber and drive it through his black heart. The last thing she expected was for Poe to jump up in front of her, his hands splayed out before him, drawing her attention and impeding her visual lock on the enemy.

“Rey,” he said, his voice urgent. “Rey, listen to me. He’s not a threat. That’s what I needed to tell you.”

“What?!” she shouted, beyond caring that nearly every eye in the hall, even had its owner been oblivious to the abrupt tension in the room beforehand, now turned toward her. “You _knew_ he was coming here?”

“That was the agreement—”

“What?!” she shouted again, even louder.

And that’s when Poe had had enough.

“Outside, Colonel,” he commanded in his best General voice, making it clear he was now pulling rank on her. “ _Now_.”

Not bothering to wait for her compliance, he turned and headed toward the nearest door. Rey gawked and fumed in rage when Poe gestured toward Ren and he obediently followed him through the same door, leaving her awkwardly among all the gazes still focused on her in curiosity. Feeling suddenly as though she’d like to indulge in one of the childish, destructive tantrums Ren himself was fond of according to several of the defected stormtroopers, Rey contented herself with a vicious swear under her breath as she turned on her heel and followed _him_.

Making her way through the hangar and eventually out into the bright daylight, Rey glanced about for a moment before she spotted the two men in a heated exchange on the far side of the landing field. Striding with heated energy of her own toward them, she realized the anger and frustration was coming entirely from Ren, while Poe seemed to be engaged in a more placating, even _apologetic_ manner.

“What the hell, Dameron?” she demanded as she approached.

Both men turned to regard her as she came to a halt with her arms folded tight and aggressive across her chest. Rey studiously avoided Ren’s gaze, glaring with infinite focus at Poe.

“His coming here was always part of the agreement—”

“ _What_ agreement?” she interrupted him imperiously. “I don’t know about any agreement.”

Poe nodded with an air of guilt. “That was part of the agreement too.”

“I knew you wouldn’t—”

Rey swiftly called her saber to her hand and held it at Ren’s chin, effectively halting his attempt toward explanation. She glared harshly into his eyes, pressing her thumb hard against the casing next to the ignition switch so she wasn’t irrepressibly tempted to press the actual switch.

“You,” she grated at him, her voice low, harsh, and intense, “don’t get to speak. Or I get to ignite this blade. Got it?”

She watched as his eyes, dark with awareness of her deep desire to kill him right here and now, fixed intently on her, a glimmer of his own anger flaring in their depths. He nodded once, and Rey stifled the disappointment that she couldn’t even use the excuse of his verbal acquiescence to replace his jaw with a gaping, glowing hole. Holding his attention a moment longer, she slowly withdrew her weapon and returned it to the clip at her waist. Even then, she still held his gaze, her chest heaving with the nearly overwhelming desire to kill him now. She wasn’t even certain why she didn’t. She didn’t know what this agreement was, despite that she’d been a key member of the Resistance’s highest command for nearly two years now. A tangle of emotions was already roaring its way through her mind and body, chief among them a deep and abiding sense of betrayal.

Rey turned on Poe, glaring at him with a fiery wrath. And she knew he understood, because he lowered his gaze and shuffled his feet. But before he could say anything, Rey sensed a new presence and her head jerked around an instant after she saw Ren’s head lift in the same direction. General Organa approached.

“Poe, take Ben inside,” she instructed, her voice impeccably calm. “Let me talk to Rey.”

Rey reacted viscerally to Leia referring to her son as Ben. Clenching her wrists and consumed by so much rage she didn’t know what to do with it all, Rey could only lock her jaw against any commentary she might be inclined to make as the two men silently accepted the senior general’s order. Rey was only too aware of Ren attempting to catch her gaze as he turned slowly away, but she steadfastly denied him, her eyes riveted upon the gravel at her feet as they retreated.

Once they were gone, Rey looked at Leia, the woman she’d come to regard as a mother, and felt the horrible sense of betrayal weighing painfully against her heart, displacing some measure of the anger that had dominated her since she realized Poe hadn’t been surprised by Ren’s casual appearance in the Resistance Headquarters mess hall.

“I know you’re angry,” Leia began calmly, to which Rey could only turn her face aside harshly as she struggled to contain sudden tears. “This was a hard decision for me to make, Rey. Even harder to enforce. But I knew it was right for the Resistance. And I know you’ll understand that once you’ve had some time to think about it.”

Not trusting her voice, Rey gave a quick jerk of her head, duly noting her acknowledgement if not acceptance of Leia’s preamble. Leia took a deep breath.

“Ben has been working with us for the past year.”

Rey felt the air vacate her lungs and a stifled cry escaped her throat as her composure collapsed. Her shoulders hunched over as her core contracted painfully, and she stumbled away from the general until her legs could no longer support her weight and she fell to her knees. Tears slipped silently from her eyes as her mind skittered over the events of the last year and rapidly, instinctively made sense of it all. How could she not see it? How had she been so very, horribly, utterly blind?

“He has been sabotaging the First Order from the inside,” Leia murmured gently, her hand laying against Rey’s shoulder as she knelt beside her, “spreading dissent among the ranks, clandestinely making it known the Resistance would welcome all deserters and providing safe routes of egress, setting bombs at manufacturing facilities, eliminating key members of command… If you can imagine it, he’s done it.”

“No,” she insisted, suddenly finding her voice. “No, that’s impossible. He’s lying to you. It’s all a lie.”

“It’s not, Rey. We’ve seen too much proof of it, over and over, for a full year. The war is effectively over, and it’s because of him.”

As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t truthfully refute the evidence. She’d never been entirely comfortable with the explanations that had been provided for the Resistance’s good fortune over the past several months. At the time, she’d thought it was because she knew all the secrets of the Resistance high command and knew none of it explained the phenomena they were seeing. Of course, now she knew it was because she hadn’t known nearly as much as she’d thought she did.

“He came to us with this,” Leia continued, her voice still calm and mild. “Well, to me. He explained what he wanted to do and he demanded only a few things in return. That he would be allowed to join the Resistance openly once his duplicity was uncovered, and—”

“That I be kept in the dark,” Rey concluded intuitively.

Leia nodded. “I brought Poe in on it, and together he and I decided only the two of us would know. Once we received word he’d been compromised, Poe was supposed to let you and Finn know. I told Chewie.”

“We’re the only ones who had ever seen his face,” Rey realized, quickly putting the pieces together. “No one else even knows he’s Kylo Ren.”

“Rey,” Leia sighed gently, her voice even softer than before. “He’s not Kylo Ren. Not anymore. He’s my son, Ben Solo. I need you to accept that. You can’t refer to him as Ren.”

Rey shook her head with increasing fervency, pushing herself away from Leia as she stumbled to her feet.

“No, I can’t do that. I won’t. It’s a lie. I won’t participate in this farce.”

“You have to, Rey,” Leia stated with conviction, standing and forcing Rey to meet her gaze. “If you reveal that he was Kylo Ren, the First Order defectors will retaliate against him. We’ll have chaos and distrust in our ranks, and we can’t have that. You know we can’t.”

“But you can have it with me and Finn and Chewie,” she accused scathingly.

Leia hung her head. “We didn’t have a choice. And you don’t either. You’ll see that once you’ve had a chance to calm down and think this through.”

Rey turned away, her jaw clamped shut tight. The truth was that she already recognized that she couldn’t afford to go blabbing off about Ben Solo’s real identity, not if she valued the Resistance and what it stood for, which she did. She already recognized that the greatest threat in this respect actually lay with Finn, since he’d never been terribly good at withholding his more destructive impulses. And she already knew it was going to have to be her who convinced him to keep his mouth shut. But she just wasn’t ready to admit any of that aloud. It was hard enough admitting it silently in the privacy of her own head.

“Why?”

Leia lifted her head at Rey’s sudden question, clearly pulling herself out of her own well of thoughts.

“Why what?”

“Why did he want to do this?” Rey demanded, her tone still harsh and unforgiving. “He had to have given you a pretty compelling reason to convince you he meant what he said.”

To Rey’s surprise, Leia actually had to smother a hint of a smile, but the expression was so fleeting that Rey was immediately uncertain she’d even seen what she thought she had. Before she knew it, the general’s previous expression of grim determination was fixed upon her face, with no hint of anything else lurking beneath.

“He did,” Leia assured her. “But that was also his third demand. No one knows his reason other than me, and it will die with me. Just like I did with Poe and Chewbacca, I have to ask you to have faith in me, in my judgment.”

Rey turned her back on the general once again, recognizing the words she hadn’t spoken yet nevertheless intended: that she would have to have faith in _him_. Angling her face toward the lowering sun, Rey vowed she would never trust him, but she would honor Leia’s wishes. And she’d tell her that tomorrow.

“How did Chewie react?”

“Much the same as you,” Leia sighed softly. “But he said that if I could forgive Ben, then he would try.”

 _Han_ …

Rey bowed her head. Although it had been two and a half years, the image of Kylo Ren running his disgusting, spitting saber through his father’s beating heart was still vivid in her memory. Privately, she felt certain Leia could only forgive her son because she hadn’t been there to see it like she and Chewie had. Then again, it was the love of _her_ life who had died by her son’s hand, not hers or Chewie’s.

“I need…time,” Rey finally murmured.

“I understand,” Leia agreed readily from behind her turned back. “I can give you a day. Then I’ll need your commitment to silence.”

It didn’t escape Rey’s notice that the general wasn’t giving her a choice. Either she agreed to bury and never speak of Ben Solo’s history as Kylo Ren or… Or what? She wasn’t sure, and she didn’t feel brave enough to ask.

Rey nodded, turning only far enough to ensure that Leia saw and acknowledged her agreement, then slowly walked off. Wandering alone aimlessly for a long time, lost in her thoughts, eventually Rey found herself at the edge of the landing field, sitting in the thick grass just beyond the gravel, her knees tucked up tight to her chest as she stared into the deepening sky. It wasn’t until the first stars peeked out that she sensed someone coming up behind her. Turning sharply, she smiled ruefully as Finn and Chewbacca took up flanking positions on either side of her. After a time, Rey sighed.

“Quite the trio, aren’t we?” she muttered.

Chewie chuffed softly. _Yeah, we are_.

“Did you agree?” Finn asked suddenly, as though he’d been holding the burning question back since he’d arrived. “To keep quiet, I mean.”

 _Yes_.

“Yes, he did,” Rey translated for Finn.

Finn nodded. “You?”

Rey sighed, still not feeling ready to admit this out loud, but knowing she had to. “Not yet.”

Finn’s reaction was immediate and predictable. “Rey, how could you? I mean, Chewie, I get.”

 _Hey!_ the Wookie grumbled aggressively.

“Not because you’re weak or anything, big guy,” Finn interjected, quickly surmising the meaning behind Chewie’s objection. “Because he grew up with you. But he tried to kill us. Almost did kill me!”

Hating herself for having to do this and cursing Leia — _and_ Kylo Ren _—_ for forcing her to, she challenged Finn.

“Is your own personal vendetta worth destroying the Resistance?”

Finn stared, his stunned gaze wavering between Rey’s steady one and the Wookie seated on the far side of her. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, Finn. We have to do this,” she told him wearily. “Otherwise, there’s no place for us here.”

“What?” he hissed.

“He’s her son, Finn. She’s not going to kick him out. And if he goes, she’s going to go with him, and you know we can’t lose her, not when we’re about to win this whole damn thing.”

“So we’re expendable?”

Rey breathed slowly and deeply, stifling the rage that clawed deep inside her and wanted out. “Compared to him…? Yeah,” she muttered, not entirely able to keep the bitterness out of her tone. “Completely expendable.”

Rey stared out at the last traces of pink against the horizon, gritting her teeth so hard she could feel the grinding sensation in her skull. She couldn’t believe what she’d been brought to, forced to concede that Kylo Ren was more essential to the survival of the Resistance than she was, after everything she’d done, everything she’d lost for the cause. Bitterly, she thought of a passage she’d read in one of the Jedi texts about altered memories. She wished she’d had a chance to learn from Master Luke how to do that before he’d died, but she didn’t dare experiment, the texts having provided cautionary tales of such skills gone wrong. She didn’t relish the idea of spending the rest of her life believing she was a Porg.

_Of course…_

Rey shook her head sharply, negating the thought as quickly as it formed.She’d be damned if she would ask Ren to remove her memories of him. She didn’t want that black fiend anywhere near her mind, especially not her memories.

“I’m telling Leia tomorrow that I agree to keep quiet about… _him_ ,” Rey told Finn suddenly. “You need to as well.”

Finn’s expression turned furious, but he kept his mouth shut. Rey knew he wanted to object, to assert his independence of will and argue that he could blab as long and as loud as he wanted about Kylo Ren now being a member of the Resistance, consequences be damned. But instead, he just looked at her sourly.

“You can’t even say his name.”

Rey sighed wearily, because Finn was entirely right. “I’ll call him Solo.”

She’d thought that would be preferable to _Ben_ , that she could somehow fool herself into believing she didn’t truly think he wasn’t Kylo Ren if she refused to use his given name. But she knew the moment the name left her mouth that it would hit Finn in exactly the wrong way, _Solo_ being what Finn had taken to calling Han during their all-too-brief acquaintance.

“I can’t do that.”

Rey stood up abruptly, really not needing yet another reminder of Han today. “You do what you need to, Finn. I gotta go.”

Before either Finn or Chewie could say anything, Rey ran off, feeling the tears coming hot and heavy and needing to get away before they overtook her. She managed to make it to her quarters before she lost the battle with her emotions and cried herself to sleep.

When she awoke after a long and restless night, she quickly sought Leia out.

“Alright, I agree,” Rey stated loudly and firmly in the command center, not having bothered to announce her presence or even gain Leia’s attention before spitting the loathsome words through her mouth.

Leia turned around slowly and regarded Rey with relief in her eyes. “Thank you, Rey.”

“Would you have really kicked me out if I’d refused?” she asked, her voice lower now.

She watched as the general stifled an amused smile. “I knew it wouldn’t come to that.”

Rey smirked, not at all liking the implications of her words. With a brisk nod, she turned aside.

Having slept rather late and lost her appetite the previous evening, Rey was feeling quite hungry and made her way to the mess hall. Assembling a meal of both breakfast and mid-day options, she settled at an empty table. Midway through her meal, she saw Finn enter, looking as bleary-eyed as she felt. Apparently he hadn’t had any better of a night that she had. They both nodded grimly at each other, and Finn joined her at her table. Neither of them feeling up for conversation, they sat in moody but companionable silence as they worked though their plates

A chatty group had formed at the next table over and, eventually Rey determined that they were from a relatively recent batch of former stormtroopers. She could always recognize the new ones, because they spent most of their time comparing life here with life in the First Order. Listening to the realities of the life of a stormtrooper, Rey was always amazed there had never been any defections before Finn. He’d tried to explain how the conditioning normally eliminated any thoughts of individualism, but she still didn’t understand. And now she wondered how Kylo Ren— _Solo_. Ugh, that was going to be so hard to get used to—how _Solo_ had managed to change that attitude among so many of them. She was curious, but she also realized quite quickly that if the only way to satisfy her curiosity was to ask him, she’d rather remain ignorant.

As if summoned by her thoughts, he entered the mess hall. Stifling a grunt of annoyance, Rey felt more than saw him pause and notice her presence, but she did see Finn’s head lift then turn toward her out of her peripheral view. Taking her cue to focus solely on what remained of her meal, Finn bowed his head without comment.

“Oh, hey, Ben!”

Rey felt her ears perk up as an occupant of the adjacent table greeted him without knowing he’d once lorded over them all through fear and intimidation. She took perverse delight in imagining how the former trooper’s attitude toward him would change were she to know the truth.

“Who’s that?” one of her dining companions asked.

“New guy. He got here yesterday.”

“Was he a trooper?”

Rey couldn’t help but glance toward Finn at that, and she caught his eye from the corner of hers.

“I don’t know where he came from, but it wasn’t the First Order.”

“Actually,” a third voice spoke up, “he’s the general’s son.”

A general cacophony of surprise arose from the table until one spoke up louder than the others.

“Wait… Which general?”

The third speaker laughed. “Does Dameron really look old enough for that to you? Organa, you idiot!”

“I didn’t know she had a son.”

“No one did. They sent him away when he was little. Some desert planet. Jakra, or something like that. He used to scavenge old Imperial wreckages.”

Rey dropped her fork and it clattered loudly against the table. Sitting back abruptly, she shoved her hands down into her lap and focused hard and the splatter of food that had leapt off her plate, her face reddening with fury. He’d stolen her history?! Gripping her hand into fists, she forced herself to recognize Leia had probably had some influence in that, knowing that they had purposely cultivated an alternative history for her in order to add to her mystique among the Resistance troops as the last Jedi. Sure, it made sense, considering they couldn’t reveal _his_ actual background, but it was _her_ lonely and harsh history, _not_ his.

Rey felt Finn’s hand cover hers under cover of the table, and she welcomed his silent support, he, of course, knowing who really had been the scavenger from Jakku. With a deep, surreptitious breath, Rey gave his hand one quick squeeze, then placed her hands on the table. The adjacent group had already resumed their conversation and, unable to help herself, Rey saw that Ren—Damnit, no!— _Solo_ had already taken up position on the far side of the mostly empty room. She was gratified that he’d chosen a seat nearly as far as possible from her, but any feeling of goodwill was summarily negated by the fact that she caught him watching her across the distance. Gritting her teeth and feeling her cheeks flush with anger again, she looked down at her food and realized she’d lost her appetite yet again.

Setting her flatware and napkin on the plate and downing the last of her water, she noticed Finn’s narrowed gaze directed across the room as she turned to stand. Following his sightline, she saw Solo rise to greet a blond woman she didn’t recognize. Observing him greet the woman who was nearly as tall as him with a brief embrace, Rey was just wondering who she was when Finn erupted beside her.

“Oh, _hell_ no!”

Rey stood abruptly alongside Finn as his outburst drew every eye in the room, including _theirs_.

“Keeping my mouth shut is one thing,” Finn shouted in greater fury than she’d ever seen from him, “but I did _not_ agree to _that_!”

Rey turned to look at the woman once again, confirming that she didn’t know who she was. But that wasn’t particularly surprising, considering she’d spent so little time among the First Order and really only “met” Ren and Snoke. As she pondered, though, Finn left her side and she realized in alarm that he now stood at the edge of table populated by former stormtroopers.

“Do you know who that is?” he questioned hotly, flinging his arm out to point at the pair on the far side of the hall.

“Finn!” Rey shouted, rushing to his side but failing to reach him before he’d dropped his bombshell.

“That’s Captain Phasma!”

Rey gripped Finn’s shoulders just as he realized his revelation hadn’t had the effect he’d expected. He stared at them in disbelief as they traded exclamations of excitement and enthusiasm, and one even jumped up and hurried over to the woman in question to shake her hand. Rey had just started to pull Finn away from the group when one made a comment that froze her.

“I guess she was just as terrified by Ren as well all were, huh?”

“I always thought she got along with him very well. I mean, _very_ well, you know?”

“You think any of those knights have switched sides?”

“Shit, no. Those guys are evil through and through. They’ll _never_ turn.”

Under her hands, Rey felt Finn’s muscles tense and she pulled him firmly away before he could say anything else. Leading him by his shoulders, they made their way as quickly as possible toward the only door, which unfortunately brought them closer to the couple Rey most wanted to avoid. Deliberately turning her head away from them, she was surprised to hear him call out her name. Coming to an abrupt halt, she turned to face him.

He stood six or seven paces from her, his eyes beseeching, as Phasma—whoever she was—stood a few paces behind him. Rey noticed Phasma’s gaze directed primarily at Finn, while _his_ —she still couldn’t bring herself to think of him by his first name—were fixed solely on her. She felt Finn fuming at her side, and knew he wouldn’t be able to contain himself much longer.

“Not now,” she told him firmly, turning to grip Finn’s shoulders again. On second consideration, she glanced back and added “Not ever” before guiding Finn through the door.

Rey and Finn quickly found Poe, and she left Finn there, arguing with him about why he hadn’t bothered to let him know Phasma had come along with the unmentionable one. Quickly deciding she wasn’t up for that drama just now, Rey excused herself and went and found an X-wing in need of repairs. She was elbow deep in grease and parts when an all-too-familiar voice interrupted her.

“Rey…”

She sighed heavily and went right back to ratcheting the socket into place. “Go away.”

“You can’t ignore me forever.”

“Yeah?” she challenged, still not bothering to even look his direction. “Watch me.”

She heard him sigh as she continued to do just what he’d said she couldn’t, but she was also hyperaware of the fact that he didn’t heed her instructions either. She could feel his efforts to think through the best course of action even though she knew her mental barriers were in place, and it was maddening. Neither of them had any greater access to the other than anyone else did, but just their proximity, their being physically in the same space, seemed to have her intuition pinging about what he was feeling. It was no more pronounced than when she could sense what Finn was feeling, but it was a thousand times worse since she really didn’t _want_ to know what he was feeling.

“There’s so few of us left now,” he began, and Rey ground her teeth together, “and I’ve had more guidance than you—”

Rey threw down her tool and rounded on him, getting into his face with both her attitude and her greasy finger pointing at him.

“You want to _teach_ me? Is that it?” she snarled, her voice stumbling to an awkward halt as she remembered at the last moment to omit his name. “It’s always about what you can _do_ for me, isn’t it? How you can _change_ me, make me better, _improve_ me, right? Well, _fuck you_ , R— _Solo_. I don’t need any improving.”

Retrieving her hastily discarded tool, she turned back to the half finished work but found her hands shaking so hard she couldn’t even get it attached properly to tighten the socket.

“Is that what you thought?” she heard him mutter behind her. “All this time?”

Frustrated beyond capacity by the fury that vibrated through her body and drove all semblance of logic out of her mind just by his presence, Rey gripped her hands at her hips and hung her head heavily, attempting to regain control of herself.

“I never wanted to change you. I wanted to help you.”

“Help?!” she cried, dismayed to find a tear streaking its way down her face. “You can help me by leaving me the fuck alone!”

Dropping the tool once again, she pushed her way past him while managing to keep her face hidden from him. Forced to wipe her tears on her shoulder since her hands were covered in grease, she quickly cleaned herself up, then hurried to the mess hall. Bypassing the usual service line, Rey made her way into the kitchen and to the secret stash Leia had once showed her in the furthest pantry. Secreted away in the back left corner, she grabbed one of the bottles of Corellian brandy, wondering if the general had revealed the location of the alcohol since she knew one day Rey would need it for just this purpose. Shoving the unwelcome thought and reminder of her mother figure’s betrayal aside, Rey hastily unsealed the bottle and ran from the hall, heedless of who might see her.

By the time she reached the grass beyond the landing field, she had already swigged down a third of the bottle, feeling its warmth in her belly. Kicking off her shoes, she stood with her toes in the cool grass and upended the bottle, gulping the burning liquid down. She embraced its fiery sensation beyond the point of discomfort, only relinquishing her mouth’s hold on the bottle when she needed to gulp down as much air as she had alcohol.

Another third of the bottle gone, Rey was disappointed to find she was still thinking so clearly. With a howl of rage and frustration, she took off running. She ran as far and as fast as she could, chasing the same sunset she had watched last night before Finn and Chewie had arrived. Eventually, the burn in her legs, the dizziness in her head, the heaving through her lungs, and the blindness behind her tears brought her to stop.

“Why!?” she wailed up into the sky, drops of brandy splattering her face as she flung her arms out and some liquid escape its glass confines.

Reminded of the contents, she guzzled again, noticing less of a burn this time but a distinct inability to remain standing in one, still position. Pausing now and then to take heaving breaths that were hindered both by her bouts of gulping and her gasping tears, she finished the rest of the bottle and threw it with a shout as she realized she had drained it and still didn’t feel any better.

“Why did you do this to me?!” she cried out into the deepening velvet of the night sky. “I didn’t want any of this! I didn’t ask for it!”

Stumbling about on her feet, Rey reached for and didn’t find her lightsaber. Only now realizing she hadn’t carried it all day, a distant part of her mind that was still capable of rational thought realized it was probably a good thing she didn’t have it right now. She was liable to take off her own hand at this stage in her inebriation.

So why didn’t the pain in her heart hurt any less?

“I had a family!” she cried, her voice already becoming hoarse with its abuse. “I finally had a family who loved me! But they’ve been lying to me for a year! It’s all false! Nothing was ever real!”

Her head spinning out of control, Rey staggered to the side then fell, catching herself on one hand and her hip. Tucking her knees under her, she leaned forward, her fingers digging into the soft, pungent earth as she wept bitterly. She wondered what her life would have been if she’d never had access to the Force. Would her parents still be alive? Would she be happy? Would she at least be in charge of her own damn destiny instead of always having it laid out for her? Crying out with renewed frustration, she arched back and screamed again at the sky.

“I don’t want it!” she shrieked hysterically, beating and tearing at herself as if to rip the Force sensitivity from her body. “Take it back! Take it away!”

Rey fell over backward then immediately curled into a ball, weeping anew. She wasn’t aware of his presence until he touched her shoulder, and yet it didn’t startle her either. It was like part of her knew he was supposed to be there and she didn’t resist when he lifted her into his arms. In fact, she clung to him, gripping his clothing and weeping bitterly into his chest.

“I don’t want you,” she moaned at him, pounding her fist against his chest and yet still clinging to him.

“I know you don’t,” he answered, his voice soft and oddly soothing.

Weeping in loud, unflattering sobs that shook her body and left her a blubbering mess, Rey pressed herself against him, refusing to think about how safe and protected she felt in his embrace. And, eventually, she slept. When she awoke, she found herself draped unashamedly along his side, one leg flung over his thigh, her cheek resting on his chest and her back cradled by his arm. She could feel his steady breath fluttering her hair and smell his scent surrounding her. Abruptly alarmed by how right it felt being with him like this, she pushed away from him. The lingering effects of the alcohol made her head swim and she pushed too hard, her body falling onto her opposite side. Suddenly, her uncontrolled spin was halted and she felt the warm pressure of his Force surrounding her, sparing her from a fall into the cold dirt and dew-soaked grass. She gasped at the sensation of all-encompassing safety, the feel of his Force essence both new and strangely familiar, comforting…beloved. She thought it was the most amazing sensation she’d ever felt, until his arms pierced the envelope he’d placed around her and gathered her back into his embrace.

“How did you find me?” she muttered.

“You’ve never been drunk before, have you?”

She twisted her lips in annoyance at his evasion of her question and felt the rumble of his laughter in his chest. She wondered just what he found so funny.

“You’ve dropped your mental shields,” he said, addressing both her spoken question as well as the unspoken one.

“Oh shit,” she hissed, immediately focusing inward to pull them back in place.

“Please don’t,” he asked, one hand coming up to cradle her head. “It’s been so long…”

Although she couldn’t have said why, Rey found herself leaving the barrier down. Tentatively, she touched the surface of her mind, the space where she was used to feeling the barrier between them, and was surprised to find his presence there. It was the same feeling she’d had when encased in a bubble of his Force essence, but a thousand times more appealing. How had she denied herself this for two years?

“I wondered that every day.”

Rey felt an unfamiliar ache at his murmured words, and she consciously decided not to pursue its meaning. Instead, she followed the trace of his essence in her mind, picking along a strand that led… _away_. She didn’t quite know where. Then, as the finger of her mind reached a certain point on that thread, her consciousness burst into a magnificently bright space, flush with dreams and aspirations and desires that were utterly foreign to her. Every nuance, every detail of this space appealed to her, called to her to accept it, choose it… _love_ it. And the intensity of it, while intoxicating, was also frightening. Pulling away both mentally and physically, Rey stifled an instinct to panic as she gazed directly at Ren for the first time.

“What was that?” she gasped breathlessly.

He actually smiled at her, a tender, affectionate, hopeful smile. “That was me. My consciousness.”

Her eyes widened. “But it was so… _bright_!”

“It didn’t used to be,” he admitted with a nod.

“It changed?”

“Yes.”

“How?”

He took a deep breath, and Rey somehow understood he was wondering if she was ready for this.

“No,” she admitted quickly. “I’m probably not.”

Moving with much greater care this time, Rey pushed herself out of Ren’s arms. Quickly missing the warmth and protective sensation of his embrace, Rey nevertheless stifled the urge to return to him. Instead, she crossed her legs in front of her, resting an elbow on one knee and her forehead in that hand.

“So,” she said, squinting her eyes as she struggled to remember what her question was. “You found me, how, precisely?”

“I followed your Force signature.”

“Like a trail?”

“Sort of. It pulls at me.”

She squinted again. “It _pulls_ at you?”

He nodded. “Yes. It always has. Just like mine pulls at you.”

Rey took a deep breath and looked away. She didn’t like knowing that he knew that. Yes, she did feel distinctly drawn to that feeling of his essence, but she didn’t like him being able to state that so matter-of-factly when she herself hadn’t even quite been able to articulate it yet.

“And I…cut that off when I…?”

“Yes,” he answered, again demonstrating that he knew what she was talking about even though she herself didn’t.

She skimmed over the surface of his mind in hers and couldn’t imagine it being gone again. It would be like a big, gaping hole, a wound in her psyche.

“Yes,” he agreed, startling her. “Exactly.”

“Are you reading my mind?” she objected heatedly.

“Not exactly. I’m not responding to words or ideas, just feelings. You can do it too. Aim for what I’m feeling.”

Hesitant and yet unable to keep herself from giving it a shot, she closed her eyes and quickly found that thread again. At its end, she was overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity of his mind.

“Just think of what you want to find.”

She did as he instructed, and one area promptly came forward, presenting itself to her consciousness. Reaching forward, she gasped as she felt a whole slew of emotions she couldn’t identify. But as she lingered there, as she became accustomed to the odd sensation, she found she could interpret the feelings as though they were her own, even though they clearly weren’t. She sensed an intense longing in conjunction with deep satisfaction. Confused by the contradiction, she gasped when she realized one was slightly behind the other, as though it were a memory.

“You missed me,” she breathed in amazement, her eyes snapping open.

“Very much,” he agreed.

Feeling an intense fluttering deep in her stomach, Rey panicked and instinctively pushed away from him, both physically and mentally. Slamming the barrier closed against him, she felt his essence instantly retract from her mind, leaving her feeling cold, incomplete.

“Rey,” he objected, leaning forward to seize her hand. “Please don’t do that.”

“No,” she cried, yanking her wrist out of his grip. “No, I don’t want you in my mind. And I don’t want to be in yours.”

“That’s not true,” he challenged, his eyes turning hard. “It’s not that you don’t want to, it’s that you’re afraid because you _do_ want to.”

“Stop that! Stop acting like you know me better than I do.”

“When you stop lying to yourself, I will!”

“About what? What am I lying about?”

“About me!”

“What about you?”

Instead of responding, he lunged at her. Falling back away from him in fright, he caught the back of her head in his hand as his body suspended over her. And, before she even realized she was back in his arms again, he was kissing her.

A tumult of emotions assailed her as she whimpered into his mouth. But as he took possession of her entirely, the whimper turned to a moan and she melted. Her hand sneaked up his back, pulling him closer, and he obliged by lowering himself against her entire length. Completely absorbed by the contact between them, Rey abruptly returned to her senses when one leg hitched up over his hip and she felt a distinct firmness at her core…

“No!” she cried, ripping her mouth away from his and pushing against him.

“That!” he stated firmly, pointing at her as he moved willingly back from her. “That right there. _That’s_ the lie.”

“What lie!?”

“That you don’t want me. That you never did. That the intensity you feel for me is not hatred at all.”

“But what?” she scoffed harshly. “Love?”

“No,” he admitted. “Right now it’s just lust, desire, need, longing. But it could be love. Probably. The potential is there. I can feel it. You could too, if you’d just stop being so damn stubborn!”

Rey turned away, a bit too fast because her head started pounding. She heard him sigh in frustration behind her, but she didn’t particularly care. Having never been drunk before, she hadn’t really known what to expect, but she was disappointed in the brevity of its effects. The pleasant ones, at least.

“Can you please let me help you with that?”

“With what?”

“Your headache.”

“How do you know I have a headache. You’re not in my head.”

“Rey,” he scolded gently. “It’s kind of obvious.”

She sighed, finally noticing her hand still pressed to her temple. “How can you help?”

When he moved toward her again, she matched his motion away. He sighed.

“I’m not going to kiss you again, alright? Unless you want me to.”

She scowled at him. “Headache,” she said, pointed to the specified body part.

With a nod, he crawled toward her once more and she allowed him to approach this time. She watched him closely as he placed his hands on either side of her head and closed his eyes. Knowing he could see her with neither his eyes nor his mind, she indulged herself in the opportunity to study him. His lashes were impossibly dark against the creamy white of his skin. A curl of his hair fell down across his forehead, and she felt the uncanny desire to brush it aside. Stifling the impulse, her gaze slid down his bent nose and to his wide, full mouth, the same one that had possessed hers only a moment again. She felt that pleasurable pang deep in her core again as she recalled that kiss and wondered if that really, truly was what she wanted. Watching absently as those lips pulled wide into a subtle smile, Rey only realized after he spoke that he’d caught her staring.

“Is that better?”

Blinking in confusion for a moment regarding what he was referring to, she suddenly realized the pain in her head was gone.

“How did you do that?”

He shrugged nonchalantly, settling back from her. “I eased the blood flow through your head.”

Forgetting to be annoyed by his arrogance, she asked tentatively, “Would I be able to…?”

“With proper instruction and practice, yes.”

Her lips pursed together with the reminder of his deep and abiding desire to train her, a reminder from earlier in the day in the hangar. She watched as he sighed in frustration.

“I want to tell you about something, but I need you to know it’s entirely the truth.”

She looked at him skeptically and he pointed at her.

“Exactly!” he exclaimed. “See? You can’t trust me, so how can you trust it’s the truth? So I want you to reach into my consciousness. You don’t need to look for anything just be there as I talk. And you can still block me from getting into your head. Alright?”

She hesitated, her eyes narrowing as she contemplated him.

“Please, Rey. This is important to me.”

With a sigh, she nodded and he smiled. Reaching toward him in her mind, she found she didn’t need to trace the thread she’d found before. His consciousness was wide open to her, and she found slipping inside to be the easiest thing in the world. Once there, she found the swirling brightness that was already becoming familiar to her. Checking to ensure that the barrier to her own mind was intact, she nodded her readiness.

“Okay. I’m going to tell a lie so you can feel what that’s like.”

“Alright,” she said, bracing herself to concentrate and catch whatever subtle difference might occur.

“I want to kill you.”

Rey flinched, although it wasn’t in reaction to his words. The sensation of swirling brightness had suddenly contracted, darkening significantly before finally returning to its normal state. She’d been prepared for a much more nuanced change, and therefore felt rather as if she’d been struck upside the head.

“Did you feel it?”

She nodded. “Is it always that strong of a difference? What if it’s a weaker lie?”

He smiled, as though he was proud of her for asking the question. “Let’s try it. I’m planning on kissing you again.”

Rey felt another constriction and darkening in his mind, not as intense or abrupt but still quite clear. She frowned.

“You didn’t sense it?” he asked, responding to her frown.

“No, I did, but I’m surprised that was a lie.”

He grinned, but only with one side of his mouth, a gesture she suddenly found wholly endearing.

“I’m not planning to kiss you, Rey. I aim to, I hope to, but I’m not _planning_ to.”

This time the bright swirling remained, perhaps even getting lighter and more buoyant. She thought to ask what that meant, but the satisfied smile on his face told her perhaps she didn’t really want to know.

“Alright,” she conceded. “What is it you want to tell me?”

“It’s a story. About me.”

She frowned her surprise, but didn’t say anything.

“I’d heard Snoke in my head for as long as I can remember. In my earliest memories, it was a comforting presence, a friend. But, slowly, over many years, he managed to insinuate himself between me and everyone else in my life, to convince me they wanted to change me. I was too solitary for my dad, too needy for my mom, too aggressive for my playmates, even too obnoxious for Chewie. And when my access to the Force developed, he convinced me everyone was afraid of me and that’s why my parents sent me to Luke’s academy, so they could be rid of me. There, all the kids hated me because I was stronger than them and they wanted me to be weaker. And you already know how Luke feared my darkness.

“I didn’t understand it then, but now I see how Snoke manipulated me all along. He made me feel alone and inadequate, that the only one who wanted me for who I was, not for something I couldn’t or didn’t want to be, was him. He both fed me the need to be loved for who I am, and denied me that from everyone in my life. Later, it was how he controlled me, denying me his affection, his acceptance until I did want he wanted.

“I wanted you to know that so you can fully understand what it means to me when I tell you… Rey, I don’t want to change you. My desire to train you is not to change who you are, to turn you to the Dark or the Light, but to give you the tools you need to make that decision for yourself. I just want to help you.”

At that, suddenly, Rey dropped her mouth open, but he quickly usurped her objection, belatedly recognizing the weak lie he’d just inadvertently told.

“Okay, alright… I don’t _just_ want to help you. I also want to see what you’re capable of.”

Rey narrowed her eyes at him. The sensation she was gathering from his mind let her know that he was telling the full truth this time, but she found it wasn’t enough for her.

“Why?” she asked. “Why do you want to see what I’m capable of?”

“Well…” he hesitated, cocking that lopsided grin at her as he obligingly answered her question with full honesty. “Frankly, because it turns me on.”

Rey gasped, both at the riot of sensations his words drove through her body, and at the sudden flare of brilliance she sensed from his mind. She suddenly recalled the expression on his face when she’d forcibly removed him from her mind in the interrogation room on Starkiller Base, then when she’d called his grandfather’s lightsaber to her hand, then when she’d beat him in an admittedly unfair fight in the snowy forest… She’d never understood his reactions to her in those moments, and now she found clarity there. Moved by an impulse she didn’t truly understand, she reached toward him and touched her fingertips to the scar she’d left on his face. She sensed a tightening in his mind, but of a different sort than when he lied. Belated recognizing it as an emotion, she realized he was overcome by desire, longing, affection… All for _her_.

Withdrawing suddenly from both his face and his mind, Rey turned aside, not knowing how to deal with what she was learning from him.

“Is this how you convinced your mother you were sincere when you approached her with your plan?”

“No,” he answered quickly. “I can’t do this with anyone else.”

She frowned. “Then why does it work for you and me?”

“Actually, the answer is the same way I was able to convince Mom. I told her that you and I have a bond in the Force.”

Rey rolled her eyes. “That was just Snoke—”

“No,” he insisted emphatically, the intensity of his gaze conveying the urgency with which he spoke now. “It wasn’t him. It was there before him, he just…connected it. It had been severed. I don’t know why or how, but he reestablished it. That’s why it’s still there after he died.”

“But he said…”

“Rey… I didn’t believe him. Why did you?”

She turned away, thinking back on it and forcing herself to confront a truth she’d never wanted to before. “Because I wanted to believe it was his doing.”

“Because if it wasn’t him…?”

“Then it was you. And me.”

He only smiled at her and she cleared her throat uncomfortably.

“So that was it?” she asked. “For your mother? Just that we have a Force bond?”

“No. I told her your Light had spent the last year infecting me, even though you’d shut me out. I’d spent that year trying to reach you, to reconnect. But you were always so bent on destroying me. I could sense the Darkness growing in you, Rey. Your obsession to destroy me was infecting you. So I knew I couldn’t reach you that way. And the only other way was to come home.

“But I couldn’t just leave. There were too many advantages in place, too many redundancies. If I left the First Order then, someone else would just take over in my stead. I’d come to realize the war needed to end and that the Resistance needed to win. So I devised a way I could help make that happen.”

“So you’ve spent the last year sabotaging and murdering your own followers.”

Ren bowed his head, clearly not proud of his actions. “It’s no worse than what I was doing before in the name of the First Order,” he defended himself. “And this time at least I had a reason—a _good_ reason to do it.”

“To end the war.”

“No. Ending the war was incidental. My motivation was to save you.”

Rey blinked, stunned. “Me?!”

“The last time we fought, do you remember? You came at me without hesitation, so much hatred leeching off you I could _feel_ it. You nearly destroyed me, Rey, would have cut me in half just like Snoke if I hadn’t managed to deactivate your saber in time. And in that moment, after I’d escaped you, I saw your eyes glow yellow. That’s the Dark Side, Rey. It was only an instant, a fleeting moment, but I knew what would happen if we kept going the way we were, that eventually you _would_ kill me and you would be lost to your Darkness. That’s what convinced Mom to commit to my plan, that it was about you. I think that may have been the first time she’d ever heard me worry myself over anyone besides myself.”

She nodded. “And that’s why you swore her to secrecy, so she wouldn’t tell me.”

“I needed to tell you myself,” he agreed.

“What if I still want to kill you?” she demanded darkly.

To her surprise, he smiled. “I have a solution for that, too.”

“Yeah? And that is?”

“Sex.”

Rey choked. “What?!”

“Have sex with me. Channel your Dark energies into passion instead of rage. They’re both Dark emotions, much more closely related than most realize. Punish me for my crimes by tormenting me and let me torment you in turn. No one kills, no one dies, no one is lost to their Darkness… And I, for one, would certainly enjoy it. I’ve only been thinking about it for almost three years—”

“Stop!” she growled in frustration. “Is this really just a huge ploy to get into my pants?”

“No. That’s just a fringe benefit.”

To her horror, Rey suddenly realized she wanted to kiss that smirk off his face.

“Rey… Sex is the real reason why the Jedi banned attachments. It wasn’t love at all, except that it leads to sex. What they never got is that Force users were never meant to be all Dark or all Light. Such extremes are unnatural. Nature is balance. The Force needs balance within nature, within its users. The balance the Force sought was never between Light and Dark sides of the Force, but between Light and Dark sides of Force _users_. Sex is a highly useful way of achieving that balance because it dips into the Dark without risking primarily Light users.”

Rey shook her head. “Where did you learn all this? Snoke?”

“ _Hell_ , no. Snoke was as Dark and evil as they come. There was no Light in him at all, only the illusion of it when it served his purposes. Snoke never thought of anyone but himself, and that kind of selfishness is even Darker than passion. And I certainly never learned this from Luke. Even though they had largely died out by the time he became aware of his Force sensitivity, Luke trained and steeped himself in the old ways of the Jedi. He learned what he could from Obi-Wan and Yoda, then went in search of Jedi relics to fill in the blanks. He never _listened_. He never _felt_.”

“Listened to what?”

“To nature. To himself. To others. The Force binds all life. And if you’re willing to listen, life has all those answers. But if you ascribe to the Jedi, then you think you already have the answers and you don’t listen. You think taking an emotionally unstable boy away from his parents to train with Jedi Knights is what’s best for him, to give him the message that all that’s really important about him is his access to the Force. And you think that’s best simply because that’s the way it’s always been done when, in fact, it could be the worst possible thing for him. And, yes, that was true of me, but it was also true—maybe even more so—of my grandfather, Anakin.

“He was a direct creation of the Force. Did you know that, Rey? The Force gave him directly to his mother, conceived him in her womb with no father at all, entirely hers. _She_ could have been his balance, her love for her son tempering his Dark tendencies. He always would have had a higher capacity for Darkness, just like I do. But with her there to guide him, to love him, the Darkness never would have taken over. Or, at least…that’s my theory.”

“So your mother was supposed to be your balance?”

“No, I don’t think she could be. For one, she was too concerned with politics, her career. That’s not a bad thing usually, but for the mother of a Dark-leaning Force sensitive…? Not a good combination. That, and I think her history with her father made her more paranoid, more afraid of what she sensed in me. She couldn’t deal with it, was too afraid of screwing up and turning me into Darth Vader. She thought Luke could do better than she could, and she was wrong. He had the same hang ups, the same fears. And, while his moment of weakness may truly have been only a moment, it was enough to set off a scared fifteen-year-old boy.”

“So…who was supposed to be your balance, then?”

“Oh, Rey, don’t you know by now?” he murmured, reaching forward impetuously and taking her hand in his. “We have a bond that usually only happens between Master and Apprentice, or close family members. And yet our has always been there. You are Light dominant, but I bring out the Darkness in you. I am Dark dominant, but you bring out the Light in me. We slip inside each others minds so effortlessly, and we’re instinctually drawn to each other in a way most people never experience. Do you want to deny any of that, Rey?”

“But…” Rey hesitated, swallowing her anxiety down hard. “What if I can’t? What if I’m not strong enough to balance you?”

Ben smiled and reached forward to stroke her cheek. “Sweetheart, if I’m right, being with me, balancing me will be the easiest thing you’ve ever done.”

She stared, transfixed by his gaze, his voice, the light touch of his fingertip, and she slowly realized she wanted to believe him.

“Open up for me, sweetheart.”

At first she didn’t know what he meant, then his finger gently stroked the side of her forehead. And, anxiously, Rey lifted the barrier against his mind. He came in slowly, cautious against overwhelming her too suddenly. She watched as his eyes closed in an expression of sheer bliss as their minds merged, filling in the blank spaces that were so easy to overlook when empty but so present and obvious when filled. She heard his breath catch in his throat as he sought out her emotions and found her building desire for him. Following his lead, she focused there, sensing her own emotions from within, willing herself to confront them honestly, and she found she had long been attracted to him, since the first time he’d removed his helmet during her interrogation on Starkiller Base. And she suddenly remember his words to her on that occasion, words that had only perplexed and frightened her at the time, and which she now recognized as his early recognition of what lay between them. Locked into the same stream of thought, she felt Ben smile as he repeated those same words.

“Don’t be afraid. I feel it too.”

Afraid of the implications of her instinctual attraction, she had willfully transferred what she felt for him from passion to anger, and from anger to hatred. Now, she traced it backward, acknowledging what had attracted her in the first place. His depthless eyes, his generous mouth, his waving hair, his height, his breadth, his power, his dignity, his voice. And, now, she could add to that his intuitive contemplations on nature and the Force, his insight into the Jedi’s mistakes and how to correct them, his embracing of both Light and Dark and recognition of the need for both, his intelligence, his generosity, his determination, his dedication. And as she delved deeper and deeper into his mind, experiencing more of his essence, she found her own truth.

“I’m not afraid anymore, Ben.”

She heard him groan deeply at her words, and only belated realized she had called him by his given name. Suddenly, Kylo Ren seemed alien, an assumed identity that would never again fit him, and she heard him groan again, deeper and louder.

“Rey,” he rasped, his voice strained. “I need you.”

She gasped, incredibly turned on by his words. Her body was responding to him in ways she never knew it could, and she didn’t want to deny herself the exploration of these new sensations. But, still, she hesitated.

“Is there a reason we should wait?” she asked.

Ben focused on her and she could sense his answer in his mind. _I’ve already waited two and a half years. But I’ll wait as long as you want me to_.

“No,” she answered her own question. “Come get me.”

He wasted no time in fulfilling her directive. They met on their knees, bodies pressed together as mouths tangled and arms embraced. Rey could already feel Ben’s erection, and she pressed against him, delighting in the lightheaded sensation her subtle movement flooded through him. Bold and unafraid, she moved her hand between their bodies, wanting to know more definitively what the physical manifestation of his arousal felt like. The moment she touched him, tracing the outlines of his engorged manhood through his pants, he reared back, his face stretching for the stars, mouth opened in a silent cry.

He pulled away from her suddenly, his mind suffused with the need to show her how he could make her body sing. Rey felt his essence envelope her, and she was spun swiftly but gently around, her back pressed against his chest. As his arms encased her, the Force essence dissipated until it was only his body against hers once more. Her head lolled to the side as he kissed and nibbled along her neck and up behind her ear. She shuddered in delight as her hands reached behind, one up to tangle in his hair, and one down to clutch at his ass, encouraging him to press his hardon against her rear. His hands, meantime, roamed all over her body after discarding the restrictive belt she wore. Her clothing now hanging loose about her, his hands ventured beneath, finding skin with a shuddering breath at her ear. Rey moaned and pressed back closer into him as one hand found her breast, smoothing over its gentle slope and flicking at the hardened bud of her nipple. Leaning her head back onto his shoulder and turning so she could feel his hair tickling her nose, Rey breathed his name, her tongue darting out to touch the tip of his earlobe.

“More,” she whispered, the haze of passion already having claimed her utterly. “Ben… More.”

In response, she felt his hands fumbling at her pants, seeking to burrow up under her tunic then down beneath her waistband. Having finally encountered the flesh he sought, his hand moved down into the thatch of hair at the juncture of her thighs. Moaning wantonly, Rey felt her core contracting pleasurably in anticipation of his touch. She gasped when his fingertips grazed over the lowest part of her, responding as silently directed when a nudge at her thigh requested more space to maneuver. As soon as she spread her knees wider, Ben took up the space she created for him, his fingers making their first contact with the most sensitive folds at her core. Gasping again, she heard him moan her name at her ear.

“Oh, Rey… Do you feel how wet you are for me?”

She could only gasp and utter a strangled cry when his fingers finally dipped inside her, drawing her moisture outward to coat her folds. Diving in with a long, drawn out groan, Ben pressed one finger deep inside her and Rey cried out. When he withdrew, she had a moment of desperate panic, thinking that was all there was, but then he pressed back inside with two fingers. Rey pressed her hips back into his, pulling Ben forward with her to keep his chest in contact with her back. She felt him brush against something that made her whimper with a sudden intense pleasure, her mewling sounds intensifying as his other hand moved directly against her clit while his fingers continued driving inside her.

Already building inexorably toward her climax, Ben nevertheless withdrew, his Force enveloping her again as he moved her gently to the grass on her back. Seizing the waistband of her pants, he drew them down her legs, exposing the golden expanse of her skin to the moonlight, even as she flung aside her shirt. Grasping her thighs, he drew them wide then plunged his mouth at their apex. Rey cried out full voiced now, her fingers tangling in his hair as he licked and sucked and nipped at her lips and clit. Releasing one leg, he drove his fingers inside her again, wriggling his finger tips at the rough spot deep inside. Her breathing coming in both heaving and shallow gasps at the same time, she felt the culmination of her pleasure approaching like a massive wave, enveloping her body first slowly then crashing down upon her as her core tightened around Ben’s fingers and she cried out over and over.

Leaving her only as long as he had to, Ben looked down on her incredibly sexy, fully naked figure, her legs spread wide and her lips quivering with the attention he’d just shown them. Her eyes, dark with passion and desire, looked up at him as we swiftly threw aside his shirt and worked his way into his pants. Momentarily distracted by his awkward maneuverings to rid himself of his garments, he called out in surprise and pleasure when Rey’s hand suddenly encased his rock hard erection. Throwing his head back in exquisite agony, he pressed into her grip then cried out again when he felt her lips close over the head of his cock. Unable to endure the wait any longer, he pushed Rey’s shoulders back, her mouth coming off him with an audible pop, and he caught her with his Force to lay her back down gently into the matted down grass.

Wasting no further time, he seized her legs, spread them wide, lined himself up with her opening, and pressed himself home in one fluid motion. His moan of exquisite pleasure mingled with hers and he checked with her through their bond to ensure she was in no pain. Finding only pleasure, he began to move, slowly at first, then encouraged to speed and force through the feedback he received directly from her consciousness. Soon, he was driving into her hard, each thrust eliciting a yelp from her and a grunt from him. He felt her core tightening around him, driving him to new heights of ecstasy, and he listened to her climax for the second time, only then crying out with his own release as he spilled himself deep inside her. Pushing deep in just a few more times, he cried out in surprise as another orgasm gripped her and, in turn, gripped him.

Smiling like a fool and chuckling softly, Ben listened to the adorable little sounds she made as he slowly lengthened his strokes, working them both down gently. Pulling her with him, he suddenly rolled over onto his back, carrying her upward so she lay draped and languid across him, her body still pulsing around his sated cock. He held her close, kissing the slope of her neck. Eventually, she slipped off him and snuggled down under his arm, her head on his chest,

“Ben?” she said after a long, sustained silence.

“Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, his hand languidly stroking her side.

“I think I like the Dark side of the Force.”

He laughed, rolling toward her. Meeting her smile and affectionate gaze, he kissed her, eager to share more of that Darkness with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, comments, criticism, and Kudos are always welcome!


	3. The End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot occurs several years after the conclusion of my full story "Conflicted", and was inspired by a challenge one of my readers presented to me after reading it, when she asked me what effect Rey’s actions would have on her unborn twins. So, a couple warnings here:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***SPOILER WARNING***
> 
> First, this will have some spoilers for my full story, “Conflicted”, which is complete and available here on AO3. I think you’ll definitely get more out of this scene if you’ve already read that story, but I don’t think you’d miss so much that you wouldn’t get anything out of this without it. Some explanations for why these events take place might not make complete sense, but I think you could get enough from what's here that not having read "Conflicted" wouldn’t really present too much of an issue. If you choose to read this without having read “Conflicted” and you find it was just too confusing, please let me know and I will change this warning accordingly.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> ***ULTIMATE DARKNESS WARNING*** 
> 
> Second, this is DARK. I mean, VERY DARK. Frankly, everyone dies. So, if you’re not up for that, DON’T READ IT. But if you wanna cry and you’re at all a fan of Reylo (and, hell, if you’re not, why are you here?!), this will do it for you.
> 
> So, if you’re undaunted by these warnings, I present to you, “The End.”

 

\-----------------

***LAST CHANCE. DO  ** _NOT_** PROCEED UNTIL AFTER YOU HAVE READ AND ACCEPTED THE TWO WARNINGS ABOVE.***

(I know some people skip right over the summaries and preceding notes, so I have now done everything in my power to make sure everyone is duly warned.)

\-----------------

Rey dropped the bottle she was carrying and it shattered against the floor, shards of glass skittering away as she fell to her knees with a cry. Bloodied and terrified, her abdomen contracted hard, her lungs emptying so rapidly that she gasped and wheezed for breath. Her mind spun, horrified by the desperate cry that reached out to her and was suddenly silenced. Tears already streaking her face, she lifted her head, reaching out into the Force in a frantic attempt to understand what had just happened. She would recognize her daughter’s essence in the Force anywhere, but she had never felt it quite like that. And, even more terrifying, she couldn’t feel it at all now.

_Neri?_

There was no response, and Rey’s heart started hammering heavy in her chest, her breathing ragged as more tears drained from her eyes. Still seeking to understand, she reach out to her son, but found his essence hardly recognizable, twisted and wicked, and she shrank back from him in distinct fear.

_Ben!_ she cried desperately into their bond.

But before she could communicate her urgent cry for him to come home, Rey felt her access to the Force withdrawn. Try though she might, she couldn’t reach either her husband or her son.

Fighting the stifling inertia of her fear, Rey forced herself to rise. Ignoring the prickling of glass in her knees and palms, she stumbled her way toward the yard where she’d last sensed her children.

“Paul!” she called frantically, desperate to believe what she had sensed in her son’s mind so briefly was merely a mistake.

But he didn’t answer and she found herself bursting forth into the bright, beautiful sunlight, the peaceful meadow she loved so much spread out before her, stretching away from the idyllic cottage she and Ben had called home for the last ten years. For the first time, the scene failed to greet her with a deep sense of contentment, and all she could concentrate on now was the absence of her family in her mind.

“Paul!” she cried again, her eyes flittering urgently over the field.

Instead of her son, her eyes caught a depression in the knee-high grasses, a barely-noticeable hole in the otherwise uniform blanket of pale green, and she hurried toward it. As she drew close enough to peer into the indentation, her voice raised in a keening cry that echoed the profound misery of her heart. It was Neri, her beautiful daughter, staring sightless up into the sun streaked sky in death. Rushing to her and gathering her little body into her arms, Rey screamed and wept, trying in vain to call upon the Force to return life to her precious daughter. Her hands roamed desperately over her body, seeking any bleeding she could stem or break she could bind, anything to heal her body. But she found nothing. She was in pristine, perfect health, except that she was dead.

_Mother_ …

Rey’s face lifted sharply at the sound of her son’s voice in her mind. She reached for him through the Force, but still found herself shut out. She couldn’t even press her thoughts into the Force, having to resort to her voice, hoarse and breaking from the abuse of her grief.

“Paul! Where are you?”

Rather than a response, she felt a tug in the direction of the cottage, and she directed her gaze there. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, she turned her attention back to Neri. Blinded by tears, Rey gently closed her daughter’s eyes and placed a shuddering, tender kiss against her forehead. Holding her close, she stood with her body and turned toward the cottage.

_Drop her._

Before Rey could even fully register the command, her body had already obeyed and Neri landed unceremoniously at her feet. Crying out in dismay, Rey found she couldn’t kneel to her or touch her, her feet already taking her in the direction her son’s voice had commanded. Belatedly realizing her body was no longer under her own control, Rey focused ahead, working desperately to manage her rioting emotions so she could face whatever threat had come to mar the perfect peace and utter happiness of the last ten years of her life.

“Paul?” she called as her feet brought her into the confines of the cottage again, but she walked right through to the front without either seeing or hearing him.

Coming out on the other side, Rey squinted into the bright reflection off the lake’s surface and saw a figuring hurrying toward her.

“Ben!” she screamed. “No, don’t—”

Not knowing what hell she had found herself in but knowing without doubt that she didn’t want Ben in it too, she wanted to warn him away, demand that he turn about and leave Naboo as quickly as possible. But not only did she know he wouldn’t abandon his family, but her capacity for speech had suddenly been removed. Her mouth opened and closed silently over and over, like a fish gasping for water, until suddenly a haggard “Go!” escaped her throat. But, by then, Rey saw that he was caught in the same trap as she. Brought to an abrupt halt, she recognized the same terror that possessed her as he realized he lacked the power to maneuver his own body.

“Rey!” he cried. “What’s going on?”

“It’s Paul!” she wailed, her body slumping weakly into the grip that held her upright despite her inability to do so herself.

“What?! Ben shouted, and Rey recognized the keening despair in her beloved husband’s face as he recognized that both their deepest fears were coming to pass.

Rey shook her head deliriously, sobs wracking her body as her mind frantically attempted to deny what she knew to be true. But she closed her eyes and the image of her dead daughter assaulted her and she cried out her misery to the beautiful blue skies.

“He killed Neri! She’s dead!”

Ben stumbled back, as though her words had hit him physically. Rey didn’t need their bond to know what was going through his mind. Repeatedly over the years, Ben had awaken from horrid nightmares in which he was murdered by his own son. She herself had comforted him, convincing him it wasn’t a premonition, but merely lingering guilt over his own actions so very, very long ago. But now it was so painfully obvious she had been naive, and he had been remiss in allowing her to convince him against his instinct. What if he had recognized his dreams for the visions they were? Would he have been able to prevent what was happening to their family now? But they had been the most devoted parents, constantly monitoring their children’s development both physically and mentally, attentive to any possible sense of lack or discontentment, and never finding any. Until this very day, both she and Ben had truly and fully believed their family to be the picture of perfect love and harmony for which they had both so longed. And the pain of realizing they had been wrong, that they had missed something, that they had failed their children ripped through Ben with such agony that he wailed his heartache into the earth, the primal sound shattering what was left of Rey’s heart.

_Get up_.

Rey’s breath caught painfully in her throat as she heard Paul’s voice in her mind. She shook her head desperately, confused by the fact that she was yet held fast on her feet in whatever Force held her. But she understood when a second, sharper command elicited a violent flinch from Ben’s body as if he’d been struck physically by the words. Slowly, agonizingly, Ben gained his feet. His eyes met hers and she saw reflected there the profound misery that poisoned her psyche, the utter loss of everything for which he’d striven so long.

_Fight her._

Plunging impossibly low, Rey’s heart skipped and fluttered before commencing a harsh tattoo as she realized Paul was commanding his father to kill his mother. At some point in their history, Rey had been convinced that the man before her would bear her death, but it had been so long ago and they had come so far that the notion she could ever look on him in such a way again had never occurred to her. She saw Ben gaze upon her, his eyes showing the new depths of hell to which his mind had already sunk.

_Fight her!_

“No!” Ben grated out through his clenched jaw, breaking his eye contact with her and hanging his head low to the gravel in which he knelt.

Rey felt her hand jerked upward against her will and, an instant later, her dual-bladed lightsaber slapped into her palm, both blades humming instantly to life.

_Fight her or she will kill you_.

And suddenly Rey understood. Ben was not under Paul’s physical control. Evidently, blocking both their Force abilities and controlling both their bodies was beyond his capability, even though Rey was shocked and dismayed to realize a ten-year-old boy could do even half that much. But then another, distinctly _more_ horrifying thought gripped her: that Paul _could_ control his father’s body, but chose not to.

“Ben!” Rey called out in warning as her feet took her striding toward him.

He lifted his head and scrambled to his feet as her first swipe narrowly missed him.

“Don’t you let me do this, Ben!” she cried, knowing he would sooner allow her to kill him than to kill her himself.

To her relief, he finally pulled the lightsaber that never left his side and its familiar, angrily spitting blade sprang to life, and just in time to meet Rey’s second attack. Against her wishes, her body lunged at him, lading blow after blow against him while he fell back and back, only barely defending himself. Wailing and weeping at the horrible familiarity of it all, Rey found herself helpless to combat the hold on her body, unable even to simply open her grip and let her weapon fall from her hands. And when she followed Ben’s parry with a spin that dragged her second blade across his chest, her scream rose louder than his.

“STOP ME, BEN!” she wailed as she felts her attacks intensify, her body evidently immune to the fatigue that now hindered him. “STOP ME _NOW_!”

With a cry of agony, Ben brought his weapon up in a wide arc. At the last instant, Rey closed her eyes and felt the inevitable searing pain rip through her, but not in the way she expected. Opening her eyes just in time to see her lightsaber land in the lake with a horrifying sizzle as the blades seared the surface of the water before failing, Rey pulled her arm against her chest, gripping the charred stump where her hand had been only a moment ago. Falling to her knees, her mind lost in a haze of physical and emotional pain, she found Ben instantly at her side, pulling her into his arms and holding her tight.

“I’m sorry, Rey! I’m sorry!”

Rey pressed her face into his chest, weeping and moaning, unable to determine whether she hurt more in mind or body and unable to imagine how either of them could survive this day. An instinct flared inside Rey, convincing her this might very well be her last moment with Ben, and she looked up at him.

“I love you,” she told him.

But he shook his head. “Don’t you do that,” he moaned, his voice breaking and cracking. “Don’t you give up.”

Rey closed her eyes, more tears escaping beneath the lids, the image of her dead daughter flooding her consciousness. She’d only ever felt so helpless twice in her life. The first time, he’d come to her rescue when he’d severed Snoke’s body in two. The second time, her barely-conceived children had responded to her call, giving her the extra strength she needed in the Force to overcome her bindings and destroy Cerisse. But they were all beyond helping her now. She’d never had the strength to overcome these obstacles on her own, but Ben was caught in the same trap as she, Neri was dead, and Paul… Paul was the cause. So, Ben was right. She had given up and the only thing left to her was to make sure he knew just how much she cherished every moment she’d had with him.

“I regret nothing,” she whispered, and his face contorted in pain as he drew her close and wept bitterly into her hair.

Suddenly, Rey felt her body gripped again and she was pulled inexorably away. Ben clung to her, but he quickly lost the will to resist, collapsing back to the gravel as unseen hands dragged her back. Suddenly aware of another presence, Rey snapped her face to her left.

“Paul!”

Ben jerked up, bolting to his feet to face his son. Rey noticed the strain of agony in her son’s eyes, and instinct informed her that’s why she had regained control of her body for that brief moment, because he had been overcome by her physical pain at losing her hand. For reasons she couldn’t begin to understand, she and her son were connected physically, and she wondered how far that connection went…

“Paul,” Ben demanded, not entirely able to eradicate the emotional angst from his voice. “What are you doing?”

“I’m taking back what should have been mine. What _she_ stole from me.”

Rey stared in open astonishment. Her son had gestured in her direction, but she had no idea what he was on about. She shook her head desperately, and he rounded on her.

“I know!” he cried at her, his precious, youthful face twisted in rage. “I saw. He came to me in a dream, showed me the power that was to be mine had _you_ not stolen it from me! It would have been all mine! I wouldn’t have had to share it with Neri, just like I’ve always had to share everything else!”

Rey felt dizzy as she slowly realized what he was talking about, and she fell limp in her son’s Force grip. Her fearful eyes darted to Ben, but his expression was still clouded in anger and confusion. Forced to speak a name she’d thought never to have to utter again, her already fully shattered heart broke yet again.

“Snoke.”

“NO!” came Paul’s swift and furious response. “Not Snoke! Mor Takhta! An ancient being far more powerful in the Force than that blithering fool or either of you could have ever imagined!”

“It can’t be!” Rey cried. “I destroyed that evil!”

“Yes, you did, Mother, but you used my Force essence to do it. And when you did, I felt it call to me, I felt it show me what could have been mine, what your actions, the actions _I_ enabled, took away from me.”

“But it wouldn’t have been _you_ , Paul!”

“It doesn’t matter!” he shrieked. “It still would have been _mine_!”

And Rey recognized then the madness that gripped him. At times over the years, she’d marveled at the resiliency of her unborn children, to have come to her aid in her confrontation with the evil soul that had possessed both Snoke and Cerisse, to have given her the power and the communion with the Force to extract that soul and condemn it to oblivion. It seemed the gravest of oversights, now, that she had never wondered what cost she might have extracted from her children in using them that way.

“When?” she demanded abruptly of her son. “When did you know of this?”

“Last night. In my dreams, I had a vision. The spirit of Mor Takhta came to me and revealed the truth.”

“It’s not truth, son.”

Both Rey and Paul turned toward Ben, who spoke with fervency.

“Mor Takhta spoke to me through Snoke from my earliest memories,” Ben said, his tone pleading with his son to heed him. “Everything he said… He always knew what I wanted to hear, what he needed to say to convince me I needed him. But it was all a lie, Paul, half truths designed to manipulate me into horrible deeds of _his_ devising, things I _never_ would have done if it weren’t for him. Don’t give into him, son. Be who you are, not who he wants you to be.”

For a moment, it seemed as if Paul might listen to his father, but then his face twisted again and he shouted out his denial.

“No! That’s just who _you_ want me to be! _You’re_ the one manipulating me! And I’m more powerful than you!”

And he was right. Rey had recognized her son’s enormous connection to the Force shortly after he was born. Although Neri was destined to be strong as well, neither she nor either of her parents could anywhere approach what Paul had. For that reason, Rey and Ben had extra diligent all along, monitoring his development in the force and seeing to his every emotional need. Ben in particular had sensed the greater measure of Darkness in his son than in his daughter, but had also sensed that it wasn’t nearly as prominent as it had been in himself. He’d convinced Rey that it was of not particular threat, that simply doing all they could to ensure his emotional balance and health would be sufficient.

When his strength had begun to emerge three years ago, Rey had been tense, worried about what direction it would take him. But Paul had seemed stable, happy, and, slowly, she’d begun to worry less. She’d recognized that puberty would be another pivotal and potentially trying time for him, but he hadn’t reached that yet. While she was inclined to think she hadn’t been attentive enough, she was also dismayed by the power a lost spirit could have over her son after only one dream. Looking at him now, she saw the wildness in his eyes, the hint of a yellow glow deep within them, and she recognized the Dark Side. She knew she had lent Ben the strength to balance his Darkness, an opportunity that Padmé had never managed to fulfill for Anakin. But who could do that for a ten-year-old boy?

“Is that why you killed Neri?” Rey asked on sudden inspiration.

“She was a threat!” Paul declared, confirming Rey’s suspicion. “She would have kept me from achieving everything I’m destined to have!”

“That’s not your destiny!” Ben shouted, his anger rising in response to seeing his own erroneous thoughts reflected in his son.

“It was yours! And you were too weak to hold onto it! So _I_ will have it! And nothing, no one, not you or Mother or Neri, will stop me!”

Paul turned away in heated rage, his small body trembling with the magnitude of his unbearable emotions. Rey felt the hold on her body release and she quickly took advantage of her son’s distraction. Reaching instantly for Ben’s mind, she took him with her toward Paul, searching his consciousness and stifling the agony at finding so much Darkness swirling thick and unencumbered throughout his psyche.

_Is there hope for him?_ she asked Ben desperately, and felt his despair at his inability to immediately answer in the positive.

Knowing Paul would exert control over her again at any moment, Rey quickly communicated the weakness she’d observed in her son, and she felt Ben’s horrified dismay an instant before she was cut off from him. He stared at her, his eyes pleading for another way, and she couldn’t meet his gaze, redirecting out toward the placid, beatific lake as fresh tears obscured the sight. Whimpering at the sound of a lightsaber igniting, Rey furiously blinked the tears away to see Paul advancing slowly on his father, his deep blue blade humming steadily.

“He said you would know what I have to do,” Paul told him, his voice harsh, unwavering.

Ben nodded, his jaw set in a grim line as he stood to face the moment he’d feared all of Paul’s life.

“I do, son.”

Rey sobbed, knowing what this moment meant for Ben, knowing he had once stood on the other side of this exchange. Silently, she prayed for Ben to recognize some measure of the conflict he’d faced at this moment, to find some inkling of hope in his son’s eyes. She watched with bated breath as Ben looked, a choked sob escaping as his gaze lowered in despair and she knew exactly how this would end.

“Paul,” she choked out, giving one last, desperate attempt. “Please.”

And when he turned on her with malicious glee alight in his eyes, she felt the same hopelessness she witness on Ben’s face. She met her husband’s direct gaze, the man she’d been through so much with and for, and recommitted herself silently to him, to this last act, telling him with utmost conviction that it was what she wanted, what she needed. And, with shuddering breath, she saw him accede to her wishes.

“Goodbye, Father.”

But at the instant that Paul plunged his deep blue blade into his father’s chest, Ben pulled Rey to him and ignited his chaotic red one through hers. Only distantly aware of Paul’s howl of rage and pain as he fell away from the both, Rey collapsed into Ben’s arms, their minds, overcome by agony of the heart and body, uniting one last time. They shared one final vision as they lay dying in each other’s arms, of the final death of the Skywalker line, a concentration of Force sensitivity that had grown too strong to be sustained and that would never occur again.

…

_I love you, Ben_.

…

_I love you, Rey._

_…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me. There's a reason this is a one-shot and is not included in one of my full stories!
> 
> So... What'd you think?


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